Spooky Tunes

Halloween doesn’t have nearly the amount of music it deserves.

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I had a realization the other day that Halloween really got the short end of the stick when it comes to music. I think it’s safe to say that Halloween is easily the #3 Holiday here in the US right behind Christmas and 4th of July in terms of a) people who give a crap that its coming, b) celebrations held and c) decorations put out. Don’t get me wrong, the other holidays are great. Personally, Halloween should be #2, but it is really tough to get around how much Red, White and Blue gets scattered all over right when June rolls around and Halloween doesn’t feature thousands (millions?) of people literally launching explosives into the sky to celebrate. And thus, Independence Day probably earns that #2 spot.

“What about Thanksgiving,” you might be asking. Oh, you mean pre-Christmas? The truth about Thanksgiving is that for quite some time (much longer than the twitter armies think) it has really just been this launching point for the “Holiday Season,” that wintery zone of various Holidays that actually mean something beyond “people with buckles on their shoes ate turkey and we don’t talk about the rest of the colonization stuff.” It’s the starting gun for a season of caring and sharing; a season of love and peace. Granted, that season for most people is more selfish and Capitalism-hungry than any other month of the year, but that’s not the season’s fault. Anyway, I LOVE Thanksgiving, don’t get me wrong, but as a Holiday it’s always felt more like a turning point than a big day to eagerly anticipate. People don’t go to football games specifically for the initial kick-off and then say “oh man, that was the best one yet.” Just saying. Don’t @ me, Thanksgiving people (or do, I need more interaction for my Google metrics).
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Roll Call: Gettin’ Dicey

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Yo, so let’s talk dice.

In just about any RP system you choose, you are gonna need a select few dice to perform. Whether it be the incredibly common d20, the also fairly common horde of d6’s or the less than common d30, dice are the main bridge between your imagination and the effectiveness of your choices. They dictate if you can do the things you want and which way the game goes. They are the deciding factor on questions like “Can I do a cartwheel while simultaneously shooting two dudes behind cover on that high ledge” or “Can I successfully seduce this lowly secretary to put herself literally in danger and give me access to every area of the freaky crime lair she works for?” The answer to both these questions is apparently yes, as my friend Matt has shown dice absolute love when he makes crazy choices. Way to go, Matt, you beautiful bastard.

Dice are important for any system, so how does one go about choosing dice? How many dice is TOO many dice? Is impaling your dice on stakes to send a message to other dice not to fail you TOO extreme? Honestly, the answer to all these questions is simple: it needs to be about what YOU are comfortable with. The additional answer to that last question is DO NOT ALLOW INSOLENCE WITHIN THE RANKS.

At the end of the day, the dice are your main vehicle for the game and you want to make sure you are happy with the dice you have. For some people, that means having new dice for every new character. For others, one set of dice is good enough for any character and any game as they build a bond with that particular set. For others still, having a plethora of dice to switch at depending on their mood and the mood of the dice at the current time. Find out which person you are and roll with it. You want to be comfortable with your dice set up so that you can comfortably play and you don’t feel like something is lacking. Just like you wouldn’t show up for yard work in a tuxedo, it’s important to have the appropriate dice loadout before hitting the table.

“But wait a minute” you’re probably asking, “are you suggesting that the dice themselves have personalities?”

Now, that’s an odd takeaway from this whole thing. I mean, here I am just trying to talk about how it’s important to select dice that make you happy and you’re reading between the lines. Well, I guess it’s the elephant in the room now, huh.

Yes. Dice have personalities. Contrary to popular belief, dice are not manufactured but instead birthed into tiny dice villages in various locales around the world like the city of Chessex or the great MDG mountains. Sometimes dice are grown in dice-farms like trout, such as those produced at Q-Workshop. They’re kind of like Oompa Loompas, except without faces and considerably more cruel. That’s why it’s important to BOND with your dice. And if bonding becomes impossible, then toss a d20 in the freezer overnight so the others can see what happens to those who disobey. Sometimes the best way to build a bond is through suffering, or at least that’s what my Tamagotchi taught me.

Anyway, when selecting dice it’s important to remember this old adage that I just came up with: There is no such thing as too many, nor is there such a thing as not enough. Pick dice that stand out to you because of their look. Pick dice that test roll better. Use a dice rolling app. Hand-carve dice from the wood of the great Uma-Tuk Tree. Bathe your dice in the waters of Lake Minnetonka. Whatever you gotta do, as long as it means you’ll be comfortable with the dice you have.

Happy rolling!

~C

A Heavy Load

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Do you guys ever stop to think:

“Man, what would I do if I straight up pooped my pants right now?”

Seriously, what would you do?

Like, you’re just sitting at work and for whatever reason, you just poop your pants. Maybe it was a fart you shouldn’t have trusted. Maybe some sort of gastric bug finally achieved its final form. Maybe your brain just disconnected from your body for a little bit to take a smoke break only to come back and find you soiled and sobbing. How do you react to that? Regardless as to why, how do you react if you suddenly find yourself dropping the dumplings in the fryer?
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Breaking Coverage: This Week People Get Straight F***in’ WRECKED from Behind

Interesting trend in covers this week. It seems many people just wanted to go about their day and enjoy their lives when suddenly SOMEONE SNEAKS UP BEHIND THEM AND FUCKS ‘EM UP PROPER.

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Me thinks comic characters really need to be more aware of their surroundings.

I like to think this is a metaphor and the comics industry is trying to keep us mindful of the truth. It’s a new year, and we’re all making resolutions or introspectively planning out how to better ourselves. It’s nice to be reminded that you’ll be strolling along with the best intentions when life and the real world will pop out from behind a bush or partition and kick you in the spine. Gotta be ready for that.

Thank you, comics, for reminding us all of the inevitability of getting ambushed from behind!

Good lookin’ out.


On second thought, this could be a cry for help. Comics industry, are you okay? Do we need to call someone? If you need assistance, next week have your covers featuring characters blinking twice. That’s how we’ll know.

Poor comics industry. I told you that you were hanging with a bad crowd.

~C

Another Super Helpful Band Name Master List

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On occasion, my group of friends and I will say something and go “Golly! That would make a neato band name!”

We then form that band and play at the Riverdale High Pep Rally (Go Bulldogs). We look over and everyone has a good laugh as we catch Principal Weatherbee boogieing down! Meanwhile, there’s a commotion from the hall! Seems Miss Beazley caught Jughead in the pantry again!

Oh Jughead…

Seriously, Jughead. Get help, my dude.

Anyway, here is the second part of my ever growing list of band names that I actually have the forethought or sobriety to jot down. Enjoy!

  • Refugees Louise
  • Karmic Institution
  • The ILLbillies
  • MOOD (Melancholy Observations On Death)
  • Corn Dog Nuggets
  • Band Wanton
  • Gesticular Torsion
  • Pop, Lock and Crocs
  • Chug o’ War
  • #800000 V
  • President Weevil
  • Guy’s Flavor Town Hall
  • Professional Rossplayers
  • Barely Normal Activity
  • Galbladder
  • We Read Books
  • Towel Whip Assassin
  • Larry Berry’s Dairy Prairie
  • Karaoke Dokey!
  • The Waluigi Preservation Society
  • The Captain and Two Neals
    • Now FINDING two Neals might be tough for some people. I suggest just starting the band and then legally changing your name.
  • [Randall, Put the Band’s Logo Here Later]
  • Paper Wait
  • Aspic
  • Indie Group That Uses Big Words In Our Songs
  • Ass & Avocados
  • We Aren’t Real People
  • Thanos’s Ash Tray
    • Too soon?
  • Rocky Horror Powerpoint
  • Frankenstein`s Security Deposit
  • Bitin’ Wachootoos
  • Frijole Moly!
  • Eggs Cumberbatch
  • Grapple Pie
  • The What
  • The Why
  • The When
  • The How
  • The Where
  • The WhoWhatWhenWhereWhyHow
  • I’ll Be Bach
  • Here Today, Gone Tamale
  • Anti-Cripes
  • LED Orchestra
  • Three Random Bitches
  • Clog Cabin
  • Green Cockle Denomination
  • Foot Test Massage
  • Beast N’ Cheddar
  • Absolue Lack of Musical Ability (ALMA)
  • Alt-F4
  • Alt128701
  • Noir for Kids
    • With hits like “Jimmy Twitch ain’t gonna snitch” and “Who’s in the Trunk, Who’s at the Pier”
  • Elon’s Musk
  • Toy Hearse
  • (the) cold smoke
  • Pill-O-Talk
  • Bran’s Parachute
  • Lucky Harms
  • Yeet & Sour
  • Iron Laden
  • Trolling Stones
  • High Ground
  • When Doves Sigh all passive aggressively, y’know? Like they want you to know they’re mad, but they won’t just say that.

 

And there you have it! Select your favorite and then go bring music to whatever venue will be willing to give you drink tokens or a handful of crumpled ones to play for them!

Also, still #TeamVeronica.

~C

Monster

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Halloween is approaching: a time when all manner of ghost, ghoul and monster crawl their way from the deep abyss of our fears to roam the mortal realm in search of their next fright. It’s also a time of year where Diabetes awareness gets sidelined. Spooky stuff.

In the spirit of the Holiday, I wanted to bring something up. Namely, I wanted to discuss the single scariest monster of all the catalog of monsters. One that has lumbered his way through American history, always looming just out of sight and evading capture.

That’s right.

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BIGFOOT
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MORDOR KOMBAT II: The Two Slaughters

A long time ago, I did a blog post about “what if Lord of the Rings was a stylized fighting game a la Mortal Kombat?” It was a completely dumb post, nobody read it, and it contributed nothing to the community.

…….

……….Anyway, here’s MORDOR KOMBAT II


 

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Frodo Baggins
  • Frodo sticks exclusively to kick-based attacks, showing off his powerful gams he’s developed from walking most of the way across Middle Earth. Seriously, he may be small but after all that walking this Hobbit got thighs like an Instagram fitness model.
  • Fatality: Frulk Smash! – Frodo notices that his opponent somehow stole his ring, which causes him to squeal with rage and grow to enormous size, his muscles expanding to match his new-found stature. Now a 4-foot tall behemoth, Frodo pounds his opponent into oblivion.

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Breaking Coverage: Batman’s Nemesis

Well folks, it’s happened: The most ambitious crossover in history has hit the shelves. That’s right. Archie Meets Batman ’66 is finally here.

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Damn, Batman… chill.

Here we have some innocent teens in the 1960s just trying to have band practice and then BAM, in swoops Adam  West and a guy in man-panties and now Archie has to explain to his dad why the shed’s window is smashed. I mean look at them all, they’re terrified. What the hell did they do to deserve such swift, brutal justice?

Wait, hold on.

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Okay, so Jughead totally did something.
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Breaking Coverage: Amazing Spider-Man #800

No I am not here to talk about how this issue has a metric TON of different covers.

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I’ve also decided I’m not gonna talk about how out of that myriad of covers, half seem to think this issue is some sort of milestone, “this changes Spider-Man comics forever” kinda issue and the other half seems to think “let’s just focus on this Red Goblin guy.” Seriously though, the amount of Gwen Stacy on these covers is just a big ol’ bait and switch. I guess it’s because Norman is the focal point? I don’t really get it, just seems like weird covers that are unrelated to the action of the book.

Anywho, I wanna talk just about the main cover:

Spidey 800
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