Breaking Coverage: DC Glamour Shots

DC has been absolutely killing it with their B covers lately, and this week is no exception:

SUICIDE SQUAD lookin all pink but also edgy. I admit, I’ve never really been sold on the like “dark but also neon” thing Suicide Squad has been doing since the movie, but I really dig the dark and grimy twinge Mattina adds into the mix. This definitely works and is better in my opinion than previous B covers, like the Sorrentino run (nothing against Sorrentino, the covers just didn’t sell me). Continue reading

Breaking Coverage: Batman #47

Not really the “comeback” post I was expecting…

I’m going to be trying to do some more regular content like this, more comic things, maybe movie reviews, just things I can do to keep content coming.

Please note “trying.”

Anyway, I live and breath comics day to day, so I figure a good place to start is doing some comics-based posts again.

The real question is “why should you care?” Well, you shouldn’t. What are you doing here? You have better things to do.

(Seriously though, thank you for reading)

Let’s get started.


Today’s topic is the variant cover for Batman #47:

Bats 47

On the whole, there is nothing WRONG with this cover. It sets an adorable scene and helps build anticipation for the *SPOILER FOR ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN OFF PLANET FOR ABOUT A YEAR* impending marriage between Batman and Catwoman that is set to happen in issue #50. Continue reading

May All Standards Be Forgot

Well, here it comes. No matter how many times we defeat it, the year just pops back up in a new form with a different attack pattern that we have to learn on the fly. Multiple life bars are a pain, man.

Happy New Year, one and all! With 2018 coming around, I thought I’d do something I haven’t done in 3 years. So, let’s talk resolutions!

Aren’t resolutions a pain? Like, we’re being constantly told by people that we shouldn’t have them. That we should just live the year and not try to rigorously adhere to some promise we made ourselves before we knew what the world would be like after a tiny-handed narcissist Katamari’d his plump orange body all over it. SO glad I didn’t give up drunken political rants that my friends are TOTALLY into and enjoy hearing.

Continue reading

Guest Post: Something Stompy This Way Comes

Image result for mech warrior gif

This week I have a very special entry from a very special homie of mine, Ryan. Get ready to have your heart strings plucked and other emotional things that I can’t properly come up with because, hey, I’m too lazy to write my own blog… What did you expect?                                                           ~C


The original draft of this piece was a bombastic tirade on why feminism is in fact for everybody and why you should reconsider any negative stance you might hold on it.

The second draft of this piece was a bombastic tirade on why football is in fact not just for dumb jocks but rather for anybody that enjoys a bit of alcohol and a lot of adrenaline.

I stand by all that, but this isn’t really my space to score political points, so I threw all that out and decided to preach the gospel of

GIANT

A 3D rendering of a Bushwacker, a very intimidating Battlemech

STOMPY

A drawing of a Warhammer, an even more intimidating Battlemech

ROBOTS

A drawing of an Atlas, the biggest and meanest son of a bitch Battlemech in the universe. Continue reading

Guest Post: How To Make Friends As an Awkward Adult

I am very excited about this week’s post. Camran has always had a delightful way of telling things. Fun note: one of my favorite theatrical performances I have witnessed in my life was watching Camran do The Santaland Diaries back in college.

Hope you all enjoy his post as much as I did!                                                       ~C


As a young adult, friendships always came fairly easily, which I feel has set this expectation that I feel the rest of my life will not be able to fulfill. I’m not being thrown together with people my age that have similar interests on the regs, like in a classroom or club or theatre production. I’ve been spoiled, and now that so many of my favorite people are spread out, I need to seek out new friendships and it’s work. It can’t be that hard to find like-minded people who are fun to talk to and want to put up with my bullshit, right?

Bwahaha, oh yes it can. Continue reading

Mordor Kombat: Fellowship of the PAIN

One day I sat and asked myself: What if Lord of the Rings was a brutal, stylized fighting game?

Hmmmm.


FIGHTERS:

Frodo Baggins

  • Fighting Style: Fast and nimble: Frodo is quick on his feet to stay just one step ahead of his enemies! It may look like he’s running away, but he is totally actually fighting, believe me. Well, maybe… NO yeah, he’s totally not running away. That’s crazy. Each strike Frodo throws is accompanied by his cries of battle, such vicious sounds as “eh” and “ugh” and other totally not whiney noises!
  • Fatality: Frodo disappears with Sam, leaving his enemy (and sometimes friends) to be captured and carried away by Orcs.

Continue reading

A Day of Handing Out Thanks

Things I am thankful for:

  • Living in a world where I have access to all forms of information and knowledge right at my fingertips. How else would I get to satisfy my quest for knowledge with texts like “20 Harry Potter Plot Holes You May Have Missed” or “These Fancy Desserts Will Leave You Drooling”
  • Pugs. For proving that ugly things can be adorable too, you just have to be chubby, short and snort a lot. Seriously, Honey Boo Boo wanted to make sure I gave you guys a shout out.
  • Christian extremist protest groups. Thank you for proving that the sound of idiots yelling will eventually be drowned out by the collective “ugh” of society.
  • Marriage Equality passing all over the nation. With all these new rights being afforded people, our country might need to pick up a new nickname… Like… “Land of the Free,” or something.
  • Drake. For giving white guys who can’t dance the ability to just pretend to be doing a parody of Drake.
  • Superman. For being so unbelievably lame that I am able to easily determine people I do or do not want to have comic book conversations with after simply asking “so, who’s your favorite?”
  • The Media. Thank you news outlets for parodying yourselves so often that the rest of us no longer need to.
  • Donald Trump… No wait… no…. no thank you, Donald Trump.
  • Colorado. For getting the legalization train going, so that one of the most annoying subcultures will deliquesce, phrases like “blaze it up” and “blast a roach” will become mainstream, and some rappers will actually need to get cred in other ways, like being talented perhaps.
  • Troll 2. For being the best movie ever.
  • Valve Software. Thank you for teaching all gamers the concept of “you can crap in one hand and ask for Half Life 3 in the other and see which one gets filled first” while simultaneously proving that gamers are easily distracted from the prospect of new games by throwing drastically discounted old games at them.
  • Maximus Thor. For being the best thing on the internet.

And of course, I am thankful for my awesome friends, wonderful family, and my lovely wife. Thank you to all those people for being in my life.

Happy Pre-Christmas, everyone!

~C

Oh God, My Insides…

So, I won’t be posting anything clever or creative today…

So instead, I plan to sit around, reading comics, maybe watching shitty movies and generally trying to forget about how my face feels like its full of hot wax and my body feels like it’s collapsing in on itself.

However, I can’t leave you with nothing, so here is one of my favorite things the internet has ever provided. It’s called “Guy on a Buffalo.” Enjoy.

Now… Off to continue dying.

~C

Your Super Helpful Band Name Master List

From time to time, my group of friends and I will say something and go “Jeepers! That would make an excellent band name!”

We then form that band and play as Moose and Midge win the jitterbug competition. We then get a large trophy for having the “Swingingest Band in Riverdale,” but all Jughead cares about is the prize for All-You-Can-Eat sundaes at the Chok’lit Shoppe.

Oh Jughead…

Anyway, from time to time I actually write these band name ideas down. I found a bunch of them, and here they are. Enjoy:

  • Lyndon B. Zombie
  • Steak-knife Samurai
  • Butter Suit
  • Giggle Me Timbers
  • Pickle Sticklers
  • Cookies and Milf
  • Batman and Loggins
    •  NOTE: This could either be a Kenny Loggins cover band where you rework his lyrics to be about Batman or where you just sing Kenny Loggins songs like Christian Bale’s Batman.
  • Booty Pebbles
  • Hilary C. and the Benghazi Sensation
  • Zombie Gift Givers
  • Women’s Libido
  • Grave Lincoln
  • Dan Aykroyd
  • Spilled Ilk
  • Polychronic
  • Foie Gras
  • Spud & the Gravy
  • Chocolate Silk
  • Hymen Says
  • Corridor and Grain
  • Rainbow Ninja Parade
  • Captain Punch
  • Clark’s Super Panties
  • Dive Bar Swag
  • We Can’t Afford Real Instruments
  • Camera Angel
  • Bromatic Scales
  • Snape Kills Dumbledore
  • Thank You, Come Again!
  • $¥$₮€₹
  • Discotheque Tape Deck
  • String Cheese Bikini
  • Hedgehog and the Polysonics
  • Jersey Turnpike
  • Red Wedding Caterers
  • Crowdfunded Tater Salad
  • Dick Schlongstein
  • What Barack is Cookin’
  • Aroma Parody
  • Burt Peart’s Dirt Shirt
  • Santa Says I’m Poor
  • Disappointing Relations
  • Kaitlin and the Pile-Ups
  • It’s Not a Tuba!
  • Kafkaesque Burlesque
  • Scrambled Dregs
  • Wesley Crusher Fan Club
  • nononononononononononononono
  • Twerk du Soleil
  • Occupy Valles Marineris

There you go. Get out there and rock the socks off some unsuspecting dive-bar patrons.

Hope you enjoyed the Archie references. (Seriously though, #TeamVeronica)

~C