Mordor Kombat: Fellowship of the PAIN

One day I sat and asked myself: What if Lord of the Rings was a brutal, stylized fighting game?

Hmmmm.


FIGHTERS:

Frodo Baggins

  • Fighting Style: Fast and nimble: Frodo is quick on his feet to stay just one step ahead of his enemies! It may look like he’s running away, but he is totally actually fighting, believe me. Well, maybe… NO yeah, he’s totally not running away. That’s crazy. Each strike Frodo throws is accompanied by his cries of battle, such vicious sounds as “eh” and “ugh” and other totally not whiney noises!
  • Fatality: Frodo disappears with Sam, leaving his enemy (and sometimes friends) to be captured and carried away by Orcs.

Legolas

  • Fighting Style: Showy/flashy; Legolas looks good and he knows it! Heck, he didn’t just get his hair bleached to sit on the sidelines like some sort of measly hobbit! Legolas can also attack his enemies at range with arrows (NOTE: the arrow mechanic in this game is so broken. Every arrow attack insta-kills the other player. We’re working to fix that, but every time we rework code, it reappears with a line that says “_P.JACKSON_WUZ_HERE_”)
  • Fatality: Legolas stares at you with that dead, lifeless gaze for hours, completely devoid of emotion, until you eventually just give up and tear your own brain out.

Gimli

  • Fighting Style: Whole lotta axe stuff; Gimli is very proud of his axe. Let’s face it, the dude never shuts up about it. Just the other day I was all “Hey, I’m feeling sushi. Yo, Lego-muh-eggo, you in?” and Legolas is all “Sure, dawg.” and Gimli pipes up and is all “Hey, I would like some sushi” and I’m all “Coolio, John Rhys-Dwarfy. Grab your shoes and we’ll head out.” and he’s just all “AND MY AXE.” You know how embarrassing it is walking into our local Sushi Joint and this dude has his axe? SUPER embarrassing.
  • Fatality: He leaks secretive information about a shortcut through this totally safe and awesome sounding mines, oh wait there’s a Balrog and now everybody is dead. Great…

Gandalf the Grey

  • Fighting Style: Magic and Whatnots! Gandalf spends much of the match launching various magics at his opponent, mixed in with some occasional fireworks. He can be a difficult character to play, since his moves won’t activate until the precise moment the opponent stops blocking. After all, a wizard never punches early. He punches precisely when he means to.
  • Fatality: Gandalf shouts “YOU SHALL NOT PASS” and plunges both fighters into an endless abyss. Both players lose to the sound of Frodo going, “GAAAAAANDAAAAAAAAAALLF!”

Aragorn

  • Fighting Style: Fairly rough and tumble; The fighting style of truly seasoned warrior. Also very sweaty for some reason. Like always. Even at the start of the fight.
  • Fatality: Aragorn looks the opponent dead in the eye and crushes them to death with the sheer force of his badassery.

Arwen

  • Fighting Style: Nimble and graceful; Arwen chooses to overcome her enemies with her control of the battlefield. Arwen is out to prove that she may have just been a background character in the novel, but she is here to kick foreground ass.She also occasionally tosses Aerosmith CDs for some reason. These attacks are undodgeable, which is a nice touch. She really doesn’t want to miss a thing.
  • Fatality: In the distance a fine cry of “biddily-biddily- YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH” can be heard. The ground begins to shake and water begins to rise all around the players. Soon, a stampede of giant, watery Steven Tylers come crashing through the area, washing away and crushing her opponent.

Boromir

  • Fighting Style: Similar to Aragorn, but more angry. Boromir fights with a passion and fervor of a man repeatedly scorned. He fights as though he has no fear of death, as if death is rudimentary, something he lives on his day to day. One may even say that it feels as though Boromir has become accustomed to death, meeting the end of his mortal coil untold times in the past.
  • Fatality: Boromir goes to initiate a fatality, but instead is riddled with arrows, shot multiple times with actual firearms, beaten, impaled on a boat anchor and then crushed by a large antenna.

SUB-BOSS

Lurtz

  • Fighting Style: Monstrous and cruel; Fairly standard sub-boss. Lot’s of high powered attacks and convenient blocking. He also has a shield throwing move that can pin his opponent to the opposite side of the screen. Ultimately this fight will result in many screaming children, broken controllers, and people being asked to leave arcades.
  • Fatality: Lurtz escorts you to a make-up chair where you have to sit for eleven hours while makeup and prosthetics are adhered to your body… Then he cuts your head off.

BOSS

Saruman

  • Fighting Style: Magic, Mysticism and Sorcery. Saruman spends much of the fight whipping his opponents across the battlefield with magic and bellowing at them with his deep british voice. He has an alternate battle stance that involves him revealing a lightsaber and firing lightning from his hands. He also has a rare stance where he becomes a vampire, can change entirely into a bat, and drains health from his enemies. His fight is done entirely to a soundtrack of symphonic heavy metal.
  • Fatality: Saruman levitates his opponent up to the top of his tower, but instead of just leaving you there with full opportunity to escape like some kind of Bond villain, he also levitates up 3-4 Cave Trolls to really get the party started.

SECRET FIGHT

scary lord of the rings face creepy mad

Scary Bilbo

  • Fighting Style: Creepy. Scary. Bilbo appears to be a nice old man, but everytime you hit him, he erupts in a flurry of attacks and spoopy hissing.
  • Fatality: You die of a heart attack. Your last thought is “I thought this was just a fun fantasy movie, what the hell was that?!?!”

 

Stay Tuned for Mordor Kombat 2!

~C

 

 

 

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