Author: everythingkidchris

Pictures Pictures

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I personally don’t believe in New Years Resolutions. I think they’re just a silly way for you to be disappointed in yourself on December 31st. I feel like we should just make daily resolutions and keep it at that.

However, the new year does bring with it a lot of reflecting. Things that could have been or could still be. Things I need to improve upon. Like, for instance, I would like to do more blog posts and start including “life posts” or posts where I just talk about what’s going on in the world of me. I would like to work on more short stories again, the format where I got much of my start and have been very much away from for about a year. These are all just postulates, reflections on could haves/should haves.

One thing does stand out to me: I need to take more pictures. 2015 was a heavy picture year for me. I had my wedding, my honeymoon, took a handful of trips. All along the way someone else was snapping photos left and right. Looking back on the photos of these events gives me joy, fills me with delightful memories and excitement as if I were right back there.

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Bald is Beautiful

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I had an odd thing happen this week, something that does happen occasionally, but surprises me every single time.

I was forced, very painfully, to confront my own deep-rooted insecurity.

Some background:

I am bald. Completely. Full body. I have a condition called Alopecia Universalis, which has caused me to lose all the hair on my body. Doctors are still unsure what causes it, knowing only that it is an autoimmune condition.

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Love a Good Clip Show!

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Holy smokes! Been a year of blogging already? Wow…

Where did 2015 even go? Like, seriously…

Anyway, I’ve had a really great time keeping up with this random assortment of nonsense I call a “blog.” I hope you have all had a good time reading it.

Super big shoutout to those following this mess. You guys are awesome, but you seriously have terrible taste. Still, you are each extremely cool people. Each and every one of you. Thank you so much for the likes and comments over the year.

Here’s some quick stats on my site:

Most Viewed Post – The Most Important Post I Will Ever Make

Least Viewed Posts – Raphael Storms the Beach of Hitler’s Face or Excellent Cover Art: Before Watchmen

My Favorite Post – My Top Spider-Man Games or In Meowmoriam

My Least Favorite Post – Don’t Need to Hear About Your Poop…. (just not up to par, imo)

My Most Personal Post – Life Rushing At Me or Waking Up From Hibernation

There. Some stats I thought would be fun.

Anywho, thanks again for reading/liking/commenting. To my followers, a big super special thanks. I have been terrible about the whole “follow back” business, but by the end of the day, I guaranty to be following each of you. Just have been bad about it, like I said. It honestly stems from my Twitter days, where every Tom, Dick and Harry would pour out of the bowels of obscurity, follow an assload of people, demand #FOLLOWBACK, and then unfollow all of them so there page was all “12,467 followers, 2 followed.”

Twitter is full of jerks, you guys.

Here’s to another great year!

~C

A Day of Handing Out Thanks

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Things I am thankful for:

  • Living in a world where I have access to all forms of information and knowledge right at my fingertips. How else would I get to satisfy my quest for knowledge with texts like “20 Harry Potter Plot Holes You May Have Missed” or “These Fancy Desserts Will Leave You Drooling”
  • Pugs. For proving that ugly things can be adorable too, you just have to be chubby, short and snort a lot. Seriously, Honey Boo Boo wanted to make sure I gave you guys a shout out.
  • Christian extremist protest groups. Thank you for proving that the sound of idiots yelling will eventually be drowned out by the collective “ugh” of society.
  • Marriage Equality passing all over the nation. With all these new rights being afforded people, our country might need to pick up a new nickname… Like… “Land of the Free,” or something.
  • Drake. For giving white guys who can’t dance the ability to just pretend to be doing a parody of Drake.
  • Superman. For being so unbelievably lame that I am able to easily determine people I do or do not want to have comic book conversations with after simply asking “so, who’s your favorite?”
  • The Media. Thank you news outlets for parodying yourselves so often that the rest of us no longer need to.
  • Donald Trump… No wait… no…. no thank you, Donald Trump.
  • Colorado. For getting the legalization train going, so that one of the most annoying subcultures will deliquesce, phrases like “blaze it up” and “blast a roach” will become mainstream, and some rappers will actually need to get cred in other ways, like being talented perhaps.
  • Troll 2. For being the best movie ever.
  • Valve Software. Thank you for teaching all gamers the concept of “you can crap in one hand and ask for Half Life 3 in the other and see which one gets filled first” while simultaneously proving that gamers are easily distracted from the prospect of new games by throwing drastically discounted old games at them.
  • Maximus Thor. For being the best thing on the internet.

And of course, I am thankful for my awesome friends, wonderful family, and my lovely wife. Thank you to all those people for being in my life.

Happy Pre-Christmas, everyone!

~C

Oh God, My Insides…

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So, I won’t be posting anything clever or creative today…

So instead, I plan to sit around, reading comics, maybe watching shitty movies and generally trying to forget about how my face feels like its full of hot wax and my body feels like it’s collapsing in on itself.

However, I can’t leave you with nothing, so here is one of my favorite things the internet has ever provided. It’s called “Guy on a Buffalo.” Enjoy.

Now… Off to continue dying.

~C

Your Super Helpful Band Name Master List

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From time to time, my group of friends and I will say something and go “Jeepers! That would make an excellent band name!”

We then form that band and play as Moose and Midge win the jitterbug competition. We then get a large trophy for having the “Swingingest Band in Riverdale,” but all Jughead cares about is the prize for All-You-Can-Eat sundaes at the Chok’lit Shoppe.

Oh Jughead…

Anyway, from time to time I actually write these band name ideas down. I found a bunch of them, and here they are. Enjoy:

  • Lyndon B. Zombie
  • Steak-knife Samurai
  • Butter Suit
  • Giggle Me Timbers
  • Pickle Sticklers
  • Cookies and Milf
  • Batman and Loggins
    •  NOTE: This could either be a Kenny Loggins cover band where you rework his lyrics to be about Batman or where you just sing Kenny Loggins songs like Christian Bale’s Batman.
  • Booty Pebbles
  • Hilary C. and the Benghazi Sensation
  • Zombie Gift Givers
  • Women’s Libido
  • Grave Lincoln
  • Dan Aykroyd
  • Spilled Ilk
  • Polychronic
  • Foie Gras
  • Spud & the Gravy
  • Chocolate Silk
  • Hymen Says
  • Corridor and Grain
  • Rainbow Ninja Parade
  • Captain Punch
  • Clark’s Super Panties
  • Dive Bar Swag
  • We Can’t Afford Real Instruments
  • Camera Angel
  • Bromatic Scales
  • Snape Kills Dumbledore
  • Thank You, Come Again!
  • $¥$₮€₹
  • Discotheque Tape Deck
  • String Cheese Bikini
  • Hedgehog and the Polysonics
  • Jersey Turnpike
  • Red Wedding Caterers
  • Crowdfunded Tater Salad
  • Dick Schlongstein
  • What Barack is Cookin’
  • Aroma Parody
  • Burt Peart’s Dirt Shirt
  • Santa Says I’m Poor
  • Disappointing Relations
  • Kaitlin and the Pile-Ups
  • It’s Not a Tuba!
  • Kafkaesque Burlesque
  • Scrambled Dregs
  • Wesley Crusher Fan Club
  • nononononononononononononono
  • Twerk du Soleil
  • Occupy Valles Marineris

There you go. Get out there and rock the socks off some unsuspecting dive-bar patrons.

Hope you enjoyed the Archie references. (Seriously though, #TeamVeronica)

~C

Something Goofy for Your Spooky!

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Image result for popeye halloween gif

Hey, here’s a thing I made once!

Some context: a long time ago in a state far, far away, I wrote and starred in a comedy show alongside my two good friends Joe and Matt. It was a show similar to MST3K where Joe and I would riff on old cartoons and PSAs, and we would end the show with a lame sketch. It was fun and humorous (though I imagine we probably found it funnier than anyone else).

Anyway, we did a Halloween episode once. Here it is:

(Note: We did that end sketch toward the height of the Slenderman craze and long before disillusioned teens ruined the fun for everyone.)

Happy Halloween, everybody.

~C

A Guide to Comics: Marvel Women Part 4

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Super gals GO! (wow, lame…)

Marvel Men: 1  2  3  4
Marvel Women: 1  2  3

Quake
  • Character Summary: Daisy Johnson, daughter of Calvin Zabo, the villain Mister Hyde; A pretty cool character with very little exposure in the grand scheme of things; Created by Brian Michael Bendis in the “Secret War” storyline; Daisy stands out in that she both a) actually gets respected by Nick Fury and b) is completely unafraid to tell other super people to shove it; Her stance on the other super folks around them is more of one of annoyance, she tends to act as if she just doesn’t have time for their super garbage; “‘Ooh, I’m Wolverine, I’ve got claws and blah blah’ Eff off, shorty” (Not a real quote but kind of her approach to super folk; Quake’s appearances are almost entirely ones of espionage and secrecy, never really appearing in the limelight of the Marvel world; Quake is in the perfect place to pop in and out of the Marvel Universe, as she has no public persona in the Marvel world; Her image remains secret, unlike bigger names, and that is exactly how Daisy likes it; My personal hope is that the inclusion and popularity of Quake in the TV show Agents of SHIELD will correlate to a rise in her appearances and importance in the comic universe.
  • Common Themes: Super heroes are lame; Espionage; Control of powers; Control of emotions.
  • Good For: People who like Agents of SHIELD; People fond of espionage stories
  • Go To Series: S.H.I.E.L.D (vol 3); Secret Warriors; Secret Avengers (Vol 2)
  • Stand Out Stories: Secret War; New Avengers (vol 1) #20

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Roll Call: Woes of Character Creation [The Backstory]

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Backstory for a character is an aspect of Tabletop RPGs that is often misrepresented as one of the weirder/dorkier elements. Though it can be very detailed, it is also a staple of the game, so much so that companies have actually created full guides or generators to help players create a cohesive story.

However, many people disagree with the necessity of the backstory. They see a detailed backstory as frivolous. Essentially, many GMs don’t care where your character is from as long as they are motivated to the adventure and stick to the campaign. That’s their prerogative, so fine, let them run the game the way they want, but I personally feel this approach to a key aspect of character creation comes from a vast misunderstanding of the importance of backstory.

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