On Monday, my family’s beloved cat Oscar (pictured) passed away. He had an aggressive type of cancer that apparently develops in outdoor cats with light fur. He fought against it for a long time, but it eventually got the better of him.
To everyone that met him, Oscar represented two things: the pinnacle of a rescued animal and easily the most badass cat to ever exist.
I was going through some old comics at work the other day, and was reminded just how good the covers to the Before Watchmen series were.
For those who are unaware, Before Watchmen was a collection of mini-series that came out around 3 years ago and acted as a prequel to the (in)famous Alan Moore book, The Watchmen.
Now, however you feel about the actual stories or their existence in general, which for Alan Moore is understandably negative, the covers themselves were fantastic.
So here’s a thing that happened to me.
At the shop I work at, we listen to random playlists created by the other guy that works there. These playlists are huge and extremely varied, typically consisting of anything from Hall and Oates to Daft Punk to Sleigh Bells to Vampire Weekend to Prince to Van Morrison and beyond. However, sometimes they fall into a theme, namely when we occasionally have a playlist consisting entirely over covers.
The other day we had one of the covers playlist rolling and a song came on that I just couldn’t place. I liked it and recognized elements, but couldn’t put my finger on what it was.
At that point, a woman came into the store. She was nice, cute and a little on the bigger side (not that there is anything wrong with it, it is just relevant to the story).
I greeted her as per norm, but continued trying to decipher the song.
Our conversation went as follows:
Me: How are you today?
Woman: Fine, thank you!
*We exchange polite smiles as she proceeds into the shop*
♫ Oh, you gotta take me home tonight ♫
My Brain: What is this damn song?
Me: Is there anything I can help you find?
Woman: No, I’ve just never been in here and figured I’d check it out.
♫ Down beside that red fire light ♫
My Brain: Wait…
Me: Well, if you need any help finding anything, let me know!
♫ Oh you gotta let it all hang out ♫
My Brain: Oh God, no….
Woman: Thank you so much!
Me: Not a problem!
*We again exchange polite smiles. As we do, the silence of the room merely seems to amplify the next line of lyrics.*
♫ FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS YOU MAKE THE ROCKING WORLD GO ROUND! ♫
*She silently looks at me, I silently look at her. She clears her throat and psuedo-calmly begins perusing comics. I go back to my sorting job, sufficiently awkwarded.*
Damn you, Freddy Mercury and your lyricism…
~C
Back at it, here goes!
Marvel Men: 1 2 3
Marvel Women: 1 2 3
I love the end of the year. August begins easily my favorite 6-8 months of the entire year.
Birthdays a plenty.
Awesome holidays.
Time with family and friends.
Food everywhere.
Also, things just seem to cool down, literally and figuratively. I feel less anxious as the year winds down. Longer nights mean that the end of the day feels more ambiguous. I feel more awake, more clear. More capable of approaching each day and every challenge with a confident smile.
Yep, this is a good period for Chris, one that typically hangs on until early April or May. Honestly, it’s kind of a weird phenomena.
When I first noticed the trend, it seemed counter-intuitive. We go to school for roughly 13+ years of our lives (17+ if we go to college), so it would make sense for our minds to fall into the seasonal habits that this provides. One would think we would naturally feel better in the summer and mid-winter. This would correspond with breaks from school, where we would go push hoops in the streets or play some rousing games of stickball. But I personally am not great during summer. I’m lazy, consistently sweaty and generally avoiding the sun like a Fox news correspondent avoids facts. Not that I’m not a summer person. I love going to the beach or pool, grilling out, going for hikes. But on the general day to day, summer is a bit of a drag.
I am more positive and eager in the fall, which would correspond with being IN school, not out. I think this is still my body being locked in the habits I developed over 17+ years. See, I place a lot of my happiness in my ability to be productive. With the cooler weather also comes a typical increase in my production abilities. I write more, create more, travel more. So, I guess my mind is still latched into the idea that the two “semesters” are productive times: periods of work and learning and mental stimulation. This for me translates directly into me accomplishing more of the things I love and thus results in a happier Chris.
The short message here: Stay in school kiddies.
Happy end of summer everyone.
~C
I don’t understand people that act out when they lose.
I get competitiveness and the urge to win. It’s more the people that play a harmless game with friends and get moody when they lose or even think they’re losing.
I say this knowing full well I have been that person numerous times, but that’s mainly because my wife is supposed to love me and not SCREW ME OVER WHY ARE YOU PLAYING THAT CARD I WAS ABOUT TO WIN I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME YOU BI-
ahem
sorry.
Seriously, though. Some of the most fun I’ve had playing games, board or video variety, have been when I no longer have to worry about winning.
Let me tell you about the first time I played the game Talisman.
So, I told myself I would never do video game reviews beyond the goofy lists of retro games I plan to do from time to time.
However, this fundamentally bothered me.
(Warning: Long Post)
Now, two early warnings here:
First, SPOILERS, obviously. I will be discussing fairly big plot points in the game Batman: Arkham Knight. If you don’t want the fates of certain characters ruined, don’t read until you’ve played.
Second, elements of this review will dip into an argument of feminism. I know the stigma this type of critical view has taken on the internet. Know this is less of a all-encompassing philosophical dogma for me and more just a critical scope with which to present this argument and observe media. Not that I don’t support feminism, but I feel it, as with any and all “isms,” has its merits, its uses, and its validity based on context.
Anywho, let’s dive in head first.
Alright, back to it. My final favs.
Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage
This game from 1994 was one of my absolute favorites on the SNES, partly because it featured some of my all-time favorite Marvel characters, and partly because the actual gameplay is just plain enjoyable and filled with bone-crunching punch/kick action with over-the-top SFX. Plus, the cartridge was red and all my friends were jealous of my red cartridge.
In fact, this game holds the title for multiple firsts. To begin with, it is the first time in video games that players were given the opportunity to play as the Lickitung’s mentor, Venom. This is significant since, if most young boys in the 90s were like me, playing as Venom made one feel like some sort of psychotic badass with a lust for flesh. His play style is just so downright angry, grabbing people with his tentacly arm and throwing people around like Martin Lawrence when the caterer doesn’t provide the exact cracker to Duck Tartar ratio. And the whole while he just stands their licking his chops, all hungry and horny for more beat ’em up juice.
This game is also the first time a video game was based directly on a popular storyline in the comics. In fact, the games cut-scenes actually feature (slightly) animated versions of some of the artwork from the books. This finally bridged the gap, meaning from hence forth the video game world could have its digital foot stamped firmly in the door of comic books, as if to say “I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE! YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME, GODDAMMIT! WE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER, BABYCAKES! Now, kiss me.” There is a soft embrace between the two lovers. The camera slowly zooms out before fading to black, thus establishing a future where video games about super heroes will forever be 100% true to character and will always be super awesome.
Or Not. COUGHsuperman64COUGH
Finally, this game is also the first Spider-Man game to receive a Teen rating (on Genesis), which is pretty legit. Take all these firsts, mix in an awesome Streets of Rage style of gameplay, some wicked sound effects and a rocking soundtrack written by the band Green Jelly, and you’ve got yourself a Spidey game for the ages.
Spider-Man is in many ways one of the most recognizable superheroes ever produced. This is interesting when you consider that most of us find little enjoyment in watching/reading about a pasty nerd from Queens as he deals with life, girls and bullies. Even more repulsive is the thought of this whiny dork confronting life’s woes through a thin veil of bright red spandex. However, mix in some tasty spidery powers and a healthy dose of wise-cracking/face-punting and we will gladly overlook all levels of bitchery and bulging nerd crotch.
We love Spider-Man. If you claim to not love Spider-Man, you are probably doing so just for attention. If you are friends with someone who claims to not love Spider-Man, take it as a cry for help and set up a time to hold an intervention to discover the root of their issues and what is causing them to act-out lately. Because ultimately any argument about this character comes down to one main conclusion: EVERYONE LOVES SPIDER-MAN. There are simply varying degrees of love, but there is no hate or “do not love.” This is mainly because, like Batman (who is also immune to your hatorade), Spider-Man is one of the easiest superheroes in town for us to relate to. When we watch or read about Pete flying around, kicking reptiles in the teeth or porking red-heads, we see ourselves. Spider-Man represents basic social and coming-of-age issues that we have all experienced. Even all his baddies (which are all so freaking insane) can all be seen as metaphors for common life concerns, such as duality or paranoia. It’s what would happen if Neil Gaiman just got crazy high one day and started rewriting excerpts of a middle-schooler’s MySpace page. We love Spider-Man because he is still primarily founded in the real world. The real world plays a indispensable role in almost all of his plots and is even, one could say, his arch-nemesis. He isn’t like Superman or Captain America, who have mixed the real world with their criminal-dick-punching lifestyle. He works to find balance and stresses over scheduling issues. He misses classes and fails tests. He has to set up dates around his busy work schedule, all while finding the time to judo flip some fat dimwit who’s running around in rhino pajamas.
This love of Spidey has led to endless stories and reincarnations in comics, toys, movies, cartoons and, of course, video games. Over the years, Spidey’s appearance in video games has achieved a bit of infamy, due to the sheer amount of all the games. Many of these games can come out feeling cheesy or rushed. Many take on a zany feel, looking like someone took a completely unrelated game and slapped Spider-Man on it straight Doki Doki Panic style in order to cash in on the Spider-Market. However, the Web Head has been the focal point of many a good game, and I intend on bringing what I feel are the best to light.
Now, I honestly cannot find a way to rank these, as they are all so different. Thus, I am going to list them in chronological order instead. Just keep that in mind.
Spider-Man: The Video Game
Starting this bitch out old-school. For the kiddies in the room, video games once came in giant boxes found in places known as “arcades.” This wonderful arena for the virginal were where we would have to go in order to get some of the more intense gameplay and better graphics in video games at the time. When I myself was a wee lad, I enjoyed the crap out of this particular game when I would visit my local arcade. Granted, the machine I played it on was already probably about 2 years old, being that I didn’t evolve into my gaming motor skills until around 1993. This console premiered in 1991 and was produced by an obscure company named SEGA. It was also fantastically well received and is often mentioned as one of the better arcade adventure games of all time.
The game was a side-scrolling beat-em-up with all the finesse of a Jean Claude Van Damme movie. The point was simple: walk to the right, occasionally jumping on or over stuff in order to reach the end of the level and uppercut the boss square in his nefarious nuts. As you progressed, you would be barraged by a plethora of multi-colored thugs, each color signifying that the baddy will have a different ability/pain tolerance. Occasionally, the screen pulls out and you are left jumping on tiny platforms and avoiding falling debris before you land safely on a larger platform surrounded by colorful whooping ninjas.
Similar to Streets of Rage or, my personal favorite, The Simpsons Arcade game, you have the choice of selecting one of four separate characters. One of my favorite aspects of this game is the character choice. Obviously, you can choose Spider-Man, as well as his feline-themed lust-mongering friend, Black Cat. I always thought the other two choices were interesting. Instead of throwing down the boring card and utilizing one or two X-Men or even Captain America, this game adds Hawkeye and Submariner into the roster. True, Submariner was much more popular back in the 90’s than he is today and both characters had a tendency to work with Spidey now and then, as did quite a few characters in the Marvel Universe. I just think it’s interesting that they selected either of these characters to introduce here during a time when Spider-Man and the X-Men were the big ticket items. Seems like putting them together could make for a game that is both absurd and obviously trying to suckle at the “Kids will buy what looks cool” teat…*
*Foreshadowing
Remember that time a giant turtle punched Hitler square in his Chaplin ‘Stash?
Now you do:
Was going through some old comics and stumbled upon this gem from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #64.
I have absolutely zero context for this scene having not the full story arc and having never read this particular book.
And I intend to keep it that way.
It’s better on its own.
Get it, Raph.
~Cowabunga
The Everything Kid 