Master of Disguises

Got a busy weekend coming up with various travel and whatnot.

One of the things I will be doing is attending MegaCon in Orlando for a day or so. Now, I don’t really do the cosplay thing. Not because I don’t think cosplay can be fun/cool, just because realistically most costumes I would want to do would require me to wear a wig and honestly wigs freak me out. For those of you who don’t know, I’ve been completely bald for a good portion of my life, almost two decades now, and it’s profoundly shaped the way I look at a lot of things (I highly recommend checking out THIS post I made a few months back). However, that’s not what this post is about. No, this post is about something much more vital.

Here are some cheap and simple costume ideas for bald guys for costume parties and beyond:

  • Doctor Evil
    • Need: Grey Suit/clothes; Pinky Finger
    • Actions: Just place your pinky by your mouth a ton. People will laugh. So simple.

Image result for basketball and hoop

  • Basketball and Hoop
    • Need: An Actual Basketball Hoop (Stick head through hoop and attach to back of shirt); Orange and Black body paint; Black outfit
    • Act: You have an awesome costume. Just be proud of that. Maybe roll your head around on the rim a few times. Be ready for pictures.

  • Mr. Clean
    • Need: White Shirt; Jeans or white pants
    • Action: Have a sponge and clean stuff/people with it

  • Bowling Pin
    • Need: White Clothes; White body Paint; Red Bow Tie
    • Action: Stand in someone’s way and when they push you, fall over.
      • BONUS: Have friend dress up like bowling ball and chase you all night

  • Charlie Brown
    • Need: Yellow Shirt with Black Line; Near Crippling depression and a bunch of friends who hate you
    • Act: Be extremely negative most of the time and constantly need the reassurance of your friends to perform even the slightest of tasks…. so, be a twenty-something year old.

Count em: FOUR bald/shaved heads….

  • Generic Bald Thug from Movies/Comics
    • Need: Really any sort of clothing from regular street clothes to a suit, just as long as it make you look like you gonna break some kneecaps.
    • Act: Find people dressed as villain characters and follow them around. Find heroes and shout rude yet corny things at them and call them “buddy” or “pal” in a condescending way.

  • A Finger
    • Need: Clothing roughly the same color as your skin tone; Eye liner pencil (for finger print; Clothing Pen/Paint to make the finger creases
    • Act: Roll around being a finger and doing finger stuff…. er, uh…. not like “stuff”…. um…. oh bother….
      • Okay, that got gross…. let’s start over….
    • Act: Get into situations where people ask you where something is and use your whole body to point. This costume is even better if you have four friends of various sizes that can do this with you (As your Hand collective, roll around, get someone’s attention, and then everyone but the middle finger bends over. Comedy Gold)


  • Imhotep
    • Need: Random Jewelry, Brown rag of some kind, yarn/rope/cord, lots of confidence
    • Act: Just walk around being generally menacing. If you see a pretty girl (or boy, hey we aren’t North Carolina here) run up to them shouting “Anck Su Namun!”

Image result for lollipop

  • Lollipop
    • Need: White Clothes; Colorful Balaklava (Preferably Red or Purple) or colorful body paint
    • Act: Be a friggin lollipop and avoid at all cost the urge to over use “How many licks” jokes
      • Okay, so with the balaklava, this one isn’t strictly a bald costume…. Fine, take it…. you hairy people just gotta take everything, dontcha?

Image result for professor x

  • Professor Xavier
    • Need: Suit; Wheelchair; Sexy British Accent
    • Act: Roll around being Professor Xavier, which is already extremely awesome. If you see anyone dressed as an X-Man, get their attention and pretend to send them psychic orders. If they don’t respond or respond negatively, demand to know what they have done with the real *Insert X-Man Here* and only refer to them as Mystique for the rest of the event.

Image result for professor x

  • Patrick Stewart
    • Need: As above, but you got tired of the wheelchair
    • Act: Go around being an awesome British dude. Do some Shakespeare maybe. Drink some Strongbow. Quote some movies for fans. Just have a good time.

Image result for professor x

  • Lex Luthor
    • Need: As above, but you couldn’t keep on with the British accent
    • Act: Be a dick to nearly everyone; Find people dressed as Superman and just generally sneer at them.

(NOTE: I know Patrick Stewart never played Luthor… but come on… Get a sense of humor….)

  • A Phrenology Model
    • Need: Chalky/Grey clothing and matching Body Paint; Eyeliner Pencil and a friend with a steady hand and considerable patience
    • Act: Walk around being nonchalant and wait for the first person to actually know what a Phrenology model is and high five the SHIT out of them.

  • Voldemort
    • Need: A Black Robe (Bathrobe is fine – Kimono would be acceptable and also hilarious); A stick
    • Act: Challenge EVERY SINGLE Harry Potter Character to duels; Hoard a bunch of random garbage, claiming they are horcruxes.


One of the many advantages to being bald: costumes are easier and considerably more entertaining.

Have a good weekend, everyone!



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