I missed posting last week because, well, I was fried and generally exhausted.

What better way to come back than a guide for how to get wasted while watching people stress of making food with ridiculous ingredients?

The “Chopped” Drinking Game

Everyone knows the show “Chopped,” right? Well if you don’t, it is a Food Network show (available on Netflix) that involves four chefs competing to wow three judges making meals in three rounds: Appetizer, Entree and Dessert. The catch is that in each round they have a basket with four ingredients that MUST be included in the dish. These ingredients range from normal, everyday things to odd and sometimes gross items. At the end of each round, the judges will select one chef to be eliminated, or “Chopped,” and the remaining will proceed into the next round until only one remains at the end of the final round. This person then gets some money, which gets taxed to Bejesus and back, but we don’t care because we’re all wasted.

Let’s get drunk!

At the start, everyone playing picks a chef. Do this after the goofy little intros so everyone can get a feel for the chef’s personality and whatnot. This is your chef that you will follow until they win or are eliminated. All rules will apply to things that happen to your chef. They are your guide to the drink. On to the rules.

You drink when your chef:

• is in the pantry
• looks expressively nervous
• trash talks another player (in person or in the interview)
• says a potty word (typically, just when they’re bleeped, but you can play with all profanity if, yknow… you’re offended by shit like that)
• receives negative feedback from a judge (this includes both the cooking phase AND the judgement phase)
• uses the ice cream machine (it’s a big deal in Food Network shows, who knows…)
• discusses their background (family, prison, childhood, education, etc.)
• discusses their heritage or nationality

EVERYONE takes a drink when:

• The odd/disgusting ingredient is revealed
• ANY chef says something lame/cheesy/embarassing
• (If watching on TV) Commercials!

Take FIVE drinks if your chef:

• Cuts their hand (or other body part I guess… but… what are your other body parts doing near the food… You know what? FIVE MORE DRINKS because you picked one creepy ass chef…)
• Gets hot oil on the face or eyes (their sorrow is our sorrow/joy)
• Drops food on the floor (FIVE MORE if they still serve that food…. Multiple chefs have done it in the past…)
• Leaves out an ingredient or otherwise drastically fucks up their dish

FINISH YOUR DRINK when your chef gets eliminated. Then, once you’re ready, select another chef and get ready for the next round. Anyone playing should have a chef AT ALL TIMES. If yours is eliminated, you are not out of the game, you just jump on to another team. Booze waits for no man.

Alternate rules:

• The same thang: If two or more chefs cook ultimately the same dish, all chefs involved take a drink.
• Wagers: Who doesn’t like gambling? This rule works especially well when watching on Netflix/YouTube. After the ingredients are shown, pause the episode. Anyone interested can make ANY sort of wager toward the round. The wager can involve anything from “I think someone is going to fry the clams” to “I think the blonde chick is going to get eliminated.” Next to your wager you place an amount of drinks (or shots, if you are a real thrill seeker….). If your wager ends up being correct, you give those drinks. If you are wrong, you take them. NOTE: it’s up to the group to keep the wagers and drink amounts reasonable. I.e. make sure nobody in the group is like “I bid 20 shots that someones uses a pan this round.” Let’s all play nice folks.
• Nicknames: This is just how my group works, but we like to give all the chefs nicknames after their intros. Sometimes when you’ve been drinking, actual names are elusive. So watch the intros and come up with fun, often offensive nicknames for the chefs. I’m sure they’d appreciate it (except “Chef Asshat,” but I mean… he’s an asshat…)

SO there you have it. I came up with this game with the help of my friend Allison on New Years Eve a couple years ago and have since played it many times. I think. Memory isn’t what it used to be, for some reason.

FINAL NOTE: Remember to ALWAYS drink responsibly. Know your limits, know your body, and never NEVER drive while intoxicated. I enjoy the drink, but in no way am I promoting being irresponsible.

Anywho, give it a shot (hyuck) and tell me what you think.

And tell your liver I’m sorry…

~C