Title pretty much explains it.
See, I’m currently doing this 24 hour short story writing contest, and it just got me thinking.
Does anyone else have this issue? Is it just me? I just can’t stand anything that I write ever. And it’s not that I’m over judgmental of details. I’ll recognize if it’s written well and if there is little or no editing needed. I just don’t like it. I have a particularly undefined distaste for anything I write. I read through and just find the story unappealing and the dialogue ineffective. I don’t even feel passionate hate towards it. It just falls flat. Does anyone else have this, truly? Absolute apathy for their art.
It isn’t just writing, too. Anything I create receives pretty much the exact same reaction. If I cook something, it’s never phenomenal. If I draw something, it’s average. Even if I try to get in shape, I find I can never get as in shape as I want. Jesus, I worry about what it’ll be like if I have kids…
Doctor: “Congratulations! It’s a beautiful baby girl!”
Me: “Well… she’s not that beautiful…”
Me: “For that matter, she’s a little too beautiful, isn’t she?”
Doctor: “Sir, I won’t let you have this child… Take her to the Child Depository!”
Door Slams: Fade to black
Now, I’m not trying to whine. This isn’t one of those “please pity me” posts. I just honestly want to know if anyone else feels this way about the things they create. Honestly, it makes it difficult to work. I sit to continue working on a story or play or whatnot and as I read through to remind myself where I left off, I lose interest. Realistically, I know I’m not a bad writer. I’ve been published a few times. Heard positive critique from reliable sources (such as my mom). So why am I the only person who doesn’t seem at all interested in my work? To be honest, I wish this manifested itself in hate instead of apathy. At least then there would be some sort of passion, a drive to be better and try harder. The apathy just makes me tired and I’m left not desiring a future in the craft, but craving a bag of Skittles and cartoons.
Finding that passion to write has been difficult, but I’m trying new steps. I’ve started setting aside time everyday that I am only allowed to do productive activities. I’m making advancing my life a full-time job. Honestly, I think I would have given up a while back out of shear lack of emotional tie to my writing. Two major factors played into me staying with it. First, my beautiful fiance, Tee. Not to sound sappy and be all like “without her constant support, I would have settled long ago” but, to be honest, without her constant support, I would have settled long ago. The second factor is on me. It is my absolute HATRED of the thought that I will be working from 9 to 5 every Monday through Friday until the day I die. I can’t stand the thought of being stuck to a standard work week, and if it comes down to that I would rather quit and work food service for the rest of my life than be 9 to 5 in an office. The routine, the monotony, it all disgusts me. I was stuck there for a while and have recently escaped that conundrum. I wanted to be able to write to survive, but I needed time to write, so I needed to survive for right now, so I needed to work, but work got in the way of time to write, and thus it cycled around.
Office life is stupid.
Anyway, I’m doing my best to stay passionate and motivated. Wish me luck.
So, have you ever felt this way? How do you keep yourself motivated when all you want to do is snack on some Pringles and watch Spongebob? Let me know.