Chopped Drinking Game

I missed posting last week because, well, I was fried and generally exhausted.

What better way to come back than a guide for how to get wasted while watching people stress of making food with ridiculous ingredients?

The “Chopped” Drinking Game

Everyone knows the show “Chopped,” right? Well if you don’t, it is a Food Network show (available on Netflix) that involves four chefs competing to wow three judges making meals in three rounds: Appetizer, Entree and Dessert. The catch is that in each round they have a basket with four ingredients that MUST be included in the dish. These ingredients range from normal, everyday things to odd and sometimes gross items. At the end of each round, the judges will select one chef to be eliminated, or “Chopped,” and the remaining will proceed into the next round until only one remains at the end of the final round. This person then gets some money, which gets taxed to Bejesus and back, but we don’t care because we’re all wasted.

Let’s get drunk!

At the start, everyone playing picks a chef. Do this after the goofy little intros so everyone can get a feel for the chef’s personality and whatnot. This is your chef that you will follow until they win or are eliminated. All rules will apply to things that happen to your chef. They are your guide to the drink. On to the rules.

You drink when your chef:

  • is in the pantry
  • looks expressively nervous
  • trash talks another player (in person or in the interview)
  • says a potty word (typically, just when they’re bleeped, but you can play with all profanity if, yknow… you’re offended by shit like that)
  • receives negative feedback from a judge (this includes both the cooking phase AND the judgement phase)
  • uses the ice cream machine (it’s a big deal in Food Network shows, who knows…)
  • discusses their background (family, prison, childhood, education, etc.)
  • discusses their heritage or nationality

EVERYONE takes a drink when:

  • The odd/disgusting ingredient is revealed
  • ANY chef says something lame/cheesy/embarassing
  • (If watching on TV) Commercials!

Take FIVE drinks if your chef:

  • Cuts their hand (or other body part I guess… but… what are your other body parts doing near the food… You know what? FIVE MORE DRINKS because you picked one creepy ass chef…)
  • Gets hot oil on the face or eyes (their sorrow is our sorrow/joy)
  • Drops food on the floor (FIVE MORE if they still serve that food…. Multiple chefs have done it in the past…)
  • Leaves out an ingredient or otherwise drastically fucks up their dish

FINISH YOUR DRINK when your chef gets eliminated. Then, once you’re ready, select another chef and get ready for the next round. Anyone playing should have a chef AT ALL TIMES. If yours is eliminated, you are not out of the game, you just jump on to another team. Booze waits for no man.

Alternate rules:

  • The same thang: If two or more chefs cook ultimately the same dish, all chefs involved take a drink.
  • Wagers: Who doesn’t like gambling? This rule works especially well when watching on Netflix/YouTube. After the ingredients are shown, pause the episode. Anyone interested can make ANY sort of wager toward the round. The wager can involve anything from “I think someone is going to fry the clams” to “I think the blonde chick is going to get eliminated.” Next to your wager you place an amount of drinks (or shots, if you are a real thrill seeker….). If your wager ends up being correct, you give those drinks. If you are wrong, you take them. NOTE: it’s up to the group to keep the wagers and drink amounts reasonable. I.e. make sure nobody in the group is like “I bid 20 shots that someones uses a pan this round.” Let’s all play nice folks.
  • Nicknames: This is just how my group works, but we like to give all the chefs nicknames after their intros. Sometimes when you’ve been drinking, actual names are elusive. So watch the intros and come up with fun, often offensive nicknames for the chefs. I’m sure they’d appreciate it (except “Chef Asshat,” but I mean… he’s an asshat…)

SO there you have it. I came up with this game with the help of my friend Allison on New Years Eve a couple years ago and have since played it many times. I think. Memory isn’t what it used to be, for some reason.

FINAL NOTE: Remember to ALWAYS drink responsibly. Know your limits, know your body, and never NEVER drive while intoxicated. I enjoy the drink, but in no way am I promoting being irresponsible.

Anywho, give it a shot (hyuck) and tell me what you think.

And tell your liver I’m sorry…


I Have Returned

I am back from New York, safe and sound.

My trip was a very impromptu journey. My best friend’s grandfather passed away a week or so ago and they were heading up to NY for the burial service. They were leaving on Friday and my friend, Matt, asked me on Tuesday if I would like to join them. Having only two days notice, I did exactly what the responsible thing was:

I said yes.

You see, Matt and his mother had been doing a lot for his grandfather, in terms of taking care of him and being there for him during the final and hardest stage of his life. Its certainly not an easy thing to do, taking care of someone like that, but they handled it with strength and determination, the same drive that I’ve seen in Matt and has drawn me to him creatively for years now. However, with his grandfather’s passing I could tell one thing in my friend: that he was tired. He and his mother just needed some support: someone to crack jokes from time to time, help keep things organized, and take Matt out for drinks to unwind at the end of a busy day of being with family and dealing with logistical stuff. I don’t know how effective I was, being that I never find myself successful at anything, but I could tell on occasion that the little benefit my presence provided was at least significant enough to keep the two of them smiling. Overall, I thank them for letting me be a part of the experience and again offer my condolences for their loss.

What I take from all this is that sometimes doing something impulsive isn’t about doing something entirely selfish or leisurely. Sometimes it’s about dropping what you’re doing to help a friend. Cancel a weekend plan to help a friend move into a new place. Get out of work early because a friend broke down on the side of the road somewhere. I know I’ve talked about the importance of spontaneity on here before, and I stand behind that. However, we can’t let our rigid lives and yearning for leisure get in the way of the rewarding feeling that comes with just being there for someone. Hell, a year ago, I never would have done this. I would have been too afraid to ask off from work, or just instantly convinced myself that I couldn’t do it. But I am so glad I did, as getting to bond with one of my closest friends was exactly what I needed right now.

I wish Matt and his mother the best of luck and good health for years to come. And I want them both to know that I will gladly be there for them if ever they need me.

In Memoriam
Paul Baptist Kass
1931 – 2015


The Blight of “The Casual”

Welp, I’m off to New York. More on that later. Feels moderately irreverent to talk about it on here before hand.

What I did want to talk about is something I’ve noticed lately that has bothered me (probably more than it should).

Have you ever noticed that people are more commonly sacrificing manners and politeness in order to seem super casual and approachable? It isn’t them being outwardly rude and they are still doing their best to be nice, but they just omit certain social niceties in order to seem like “that cool guy.”

It’s like this: You go into a place of business and the clerk or an employee says “Hi there, how are you folks doing?”  and the general response would be “Great. How about yourself?” Or some variation. However, in the past few years at different jobs or just in general public I have received many different responses to that question:

  • “Livin’ the dream, my man.”
  • “Just another day in paradise”
  • “Would be better if my wife wasn’t in the hospital”
  • “Fuck Off… nah, I’m playin. I’m good.”
  • “No thanks.” (in regards to “how are you?” not even “may I help you.”

In addition, I’ve noticed people (typically men, since I am also a man: Not sure if the experience would be different in regards to women speaking with other women) rarely ever use “sir” or “ma’am” for people they don’t know and are operating in some sort of working capacity (i.e. retail, food, etc.). They opt instead for words like “buddy,” “boss,” or the ever popular “man/my man.”

It just seems odd to me that people, or “we” I suppose, spend so much time trying to break down the barrier of formality that it sometimes feels as though the people to whom we are giving our patronage haven’t earned/ don’t deserve the extra level of respect that simple choice of diction conveys. It’s odd to me that we would rather say “I’m cool and you’d want to have a beer with me” over “I respect the work you are doing and thank you for your services.”

I know it seems like a small thing, and like I said, this trend doesn’t directly correlate with blatant rudeness (though there are plenty of rude people in the world). However, it does sometimes feel demeaning, especially for younger individuals in higher ranking positions. This would bother the CRAP out of me when I was a property manager, in that dads and older residents never seemed comfortable treating me with formality, opting instead to treat me as “some kid” that they just have to do business with right now. It was unfair, often making me feel directly demeaned and disrespected simply because I was under the age of 30.

It’s simple enough, in my opinion. Thank you. Yes sir. Excuse me. Please. Easy phrases that remind individuals that you respect them, whether they’re an officer of the law, a CEO of a multi-million dollar conglomerate, or the cashier at Wal-Mart. It doesn’t matter. They wake up and have to do what they have agreed to do every day. Just remind them that you appreciate it, whether they care what you think or not. And if you frequent a place enough and learn the names of the people working there, then sure, call them “buddy” and crack lots of jokes. Do whatever you like at that point, because both you and they have reached an adequate comfort level. You have moved beyond customer/patron/employee and have instead become an acquaintance.

Just remember: Formal First, Casual Second.