Turd Polish: Fallen Kingdom

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NEW SERIES! I mentioned a long time back that I wanted to do movie reviews where I took critically panned films and found the good in them. Not necessarily a SUPER panned film, but it’s current, so I figured this is a good place to start:

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, the latest entry in the much-adored dino-go-smashy-bitey series, is currently leaving fans and critics alike yearning for the mystique and wonder felt by the original trilogy of movies. Honestly, I agree: The movie was very much a missable entry in the series and I hope if they plan to continue they do some serious work building this thing up from its bare bones.

But say you’re going to see this movie soon, with a date or a friend. What can you look forward to? What redeeming factors might exist amongst the muck? Well, like the paleontologists these movies used to actually involve, let’s dig our way through the rock of shallow characters and tonal shifts to find some nuggets of good that were obviously just put there by satan to fool non-believers (science is cool).
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Talk About a Lost World

So, I recently watched the three Jurassic Park movies over, having not seen them in a while. They were on TV so I was able to watch them close together. It had me thinking about Jurassic World, since the next one of those films is coming up and the hype train has been rolling with the news that Jeff Goldblum would be involved.

I wanna set this up with the fact that I am a HUGE Jurassic Park fan. I grew up on those movies, first seeing them at an age where every kid is obsessed with dinosaurs to a degree. Over my life, I’ve watched these films tons of times, learned many of the lines and use them in normal conversations, because I am a totally cool person and not weird in any way. My first time going to the Jurassic Park area of Universal Studios was like reaching El Dorado, despite the awkward looks received when one loudly states “man, if only people were actually in danger of getting eaten alive, that would be swell” because blah blah a twelve year old should keep those kinds of thoughts inside blah blah what’s wrong with you. Continue reading