Not really the “comeback” post I was expecting…
I’m going to be trying to do some more regular content like this, more comic things, maybe movie reviews, just things I can do to keep content coming.
Please note “trying.”
Anyway, I live and breath comics day to day, so I figure a good place to start is doing some comics-based posts again.
The real question is “why should you care?” Well, you shouldn’t. What are you doing here? You have better things to do.
(Seriously though, thank you for reading)
Let’s get started.
Today’s topic is the variant cover for Batman #47:
On the whole, there is nothing WRONG with this cover. It sets an adorable scene and helps build anticipation for the *SPOILER FOR ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN OFF PLANET FOR ABOUT A YEAR* impending marriage between Batman and Catwoman that is set to happen in issue #50.
I honestly like this cover. Amanda Conner’s work is typically pretty hit or miss for me, and this is a hit. It has the fun appeal of looking at a bunch of different people and seeing what’s happening, like a where’s waldo type of thing, though less cluttered, and like I said it sets a really nice scene for our two focal characters. So what’s the problem then?
Well, let’s talk real quick about the STORY this cover is telling. Batman and Catwoman are out at a movie. However, they aren’t out as Bruce and Selina: they are out in full on rodent and feline fursona, which are the identities with which they developed much of their relationship, and in many ways is more their REAL selves than Selina and Bruce ever were.
Now if some sexy couple in full black, animal themed leather were to just stroll into the theater while you were sitting there ready to watch Peter Rabbit, you would probably be severely concerned (or severely excited, no kink shaming here). Also consider that this is a world where Batman EXISTS and some dude dressed like Batman strolling around a public place is guaranteed to catch a good bit of attention. Bruce and Selina can go on romantic dates together, but Batman and Catwoman are not allowed to just stroll into the local Olive Garden for some bottomless pasta.
That’s where this cover comes in. Obviously, the theater is having some sort of Batman-themed extravaganza. Selina and Bruce are therefore left at home, and the Cat and Bat get a nice romantic evening of High School style dating (cut to the awkward silence as Alfred drive them home and they try to sneakily hold hands in the back seat). Nobody will notice the (exceptionally more buff) guy dressed as batman if there are two dozen other (considerably less buff) Batmen hanging around. Like I said, it’s a cute story.
So taking what we know about this, let’s discuss these four assholes:
WHAT KIND OF SICK FUCKING JOKE IS THIS?!?!
So, we’ve accepted that this is set in Batman’s world, not ours or some world where Batman is just a fictional mess: Batman and, more importantly here, Batman’s ENEMIES are very much real. This is also either IN Gotham or close enough to Gotham that a theater would be having a Batman themed shindig. You wouldn’t expect to find a “Wear your Steeler’s jersey and get 50% off your ticket” sale at a theater in Seattle, y’know (though they should have that deal everywhere GO STEELERS).
“Hey, I really wanna go to this costume thing, but I am just having a DICKENS of a times deciding on a costume… hmm….. Oh, I know, let me go dressed as someone who has LITERALLY KILLED AND TORTURED PEOPLE IN THE ACTUAL WORLD I LIVE IN!”
Little pro-tip kiddos: Active murderers and gangsters are not the best Halloween costume (#MyMurdererIsNotYourDamnPromDress). Like, these aren’t fun criminals like the Condiment King, these are real hardcore types. Two-Face is a gritty, unhinged gangster. Riddler has tortured and killed people in incredibly twisted ways. The Joker has a WHOLE WIKI PAGE dedicated to tracking his kill count. Why can’t people just dress up like Bat-nipple Robin like good, wholesome Gotham cosplayers.
In the end, I hope Batman stands up at the end of the movie and shames them publicly and then they get blasted on Twitter and lose their Lacrosse scholarship or something. Though, honestly, with how delicate Batman’s psyche is at any given time, they’ll be lucky if he doesn’t have ‘Nam style flashbacks and just start flinging Batarangs like Oprah gives out free cars.
End Note: I did NOT include the Penguin-looking gentleman in the top left, because honestly that may just be someone’s grandfather (or sugar-daddy, no kink shaming here).